Si Xiong 的个人资料冷眼热心照片日志列表 工具 帮助

日志


10月11日

八个月没更新了

时间过得真快啊。
 
什么时候才能突破一下呢?
2月21日

海清不错。

有点看头。

1月23日

天涯语录300条

1,女人谨记:一定要吃好玩好喝好睡好,一旦累死了,就有别的女人花咱的钱,住咱的房,睡咱的老公,泡咱的男朋友,还打咱的孩子。     2,不以风骚惊天下,就以淫荡动世人     3,鄙视我的人这么多,你算老几?     4,怀才就像怀孕,时间久了才能让人看出来。     5,如果你不能给你的女人穿上嫁衣,那么千万别停下你解开她衣扣的手!     6,我不喜欢只和一个女人上很多次床,而是喜欢和很多女人只上一次床。     7,问君能有几多愁,恰似一群太监上青楼…     8,长个包子样就别怨狗跟着…     9,不怕虎一样的敌人,就怕猪一样的队友!     10,没有医保和寿险的,天黑后不要见义勇为…     11,你不能让所有人都满意,因为不是所有人都是人!     12,成功女性不怕丢人!     13,女孩从处女到女人只要一次并成功,男孩从处男变男人需要反复的磨练.!     14,朋友你今天就要远走,请干了这白妞。     15,两小儿辩日,一儿曰:一天就是一日!一儿曰:一日就是一天!     16,男人膝下有黄金,我把整个腿都切下来了,连块铜也没找着!     17,情人最后难免成为禽兽…今天你不操她,明天她就让别人操!     18,给我一轮船的女人,我就能叫自己精尽人亡!     19,麻烦你给我称两块钱不锈钢飞镖,这是我的8级刺客证书…     20,明月几时有,把酒问青天…青天说:滚你妈的,我这么忙,哪有时间理你,自己看天气预报去…     21,春天我把玉米埋在土里,到了秋天我就会收获很多玉米。春天我把老婆埋在土里,到了秋天我就会…被枪毙!     22,天赐你一双翅膀,就应该被红烧…     23,这是一个黏乎乎的季节,空气里都是汗水的味道;人们就象虫子一样,四处躲避着阳光;汗水侵蚀着衣裳,心脏快要冲出胸膛;我的睫毛实在不够长,遮不住我的眼睛,也遮不住这阳光,遮不住这世界,也遮不住我内心惶惶…     24,砍头算什么,脑袋掉了不过碗大的疤,18年后老子又是一条僵尸…     25,法佬说:今天是端午节,我请你们吃粽子,人肉馅儿的,来人呐,上木乃伊…     26,出来混,老婆迟早是要换的!     27,我是一个享受已婚待遇的未婚青年。     28,让女孩变成女人是作为男人最基本的责任和义务。     29,我的梦想:有事秘书干,没事干秘书。现实却是:有事秘书干不了,没事不能干秘书。     30,男人是会走路的生殖器!     31,唐僧肉吃了能长生不老,唐僧屎不知道有没有同样的功效?     32,不要说别人脑子有病,脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。   33,给我12个美丽的女儿,我会每天赞美主,20年后这群天使会给我带来无穷的财富。     34,明星脱一点就能更出名,我脱的光光的却被抓起来了!     35,现在找对象一定要看仔细一些,因为现在不男不女的人太多了!     36,蚊子咬你之后真的很气愤,但是更气愤的是,它咬了你,你却找不到它!     37,我本人是一个很节约的人,我拉屎从来不用纸,吃饭从来不用筷子,而且没有洗过手!     38,告诉你别逼我,你要是在逼我,我就装死给你看!     39,当我看见美女的时候,首先摸摸兜里,看看有没有钱!     40,假如有天我当明星了,我一定脱给你们看!     41,人不怕死,但是最怕不知道怎么活!     42,孟母三迁的故事其实说明她是有个好儿子,如果换了我,搬一百次家也没用!     43,我想一只趴在玻璃上的苍蝇,前途一片光明,而我却找不着出路……     44,孔雀拼命开屏,却露出屁眼!     45,如果有一天我变成流氓,请告诉别人,我纯真过……     46,从天堂到地狱,我路过人间!     47,你瞎了眼啊?这么大的盾牌你看不见,偏偏要把石头朝我脑袋上扔!     48,社会经验不足就是欠操的意思。   49,铁杵能磨成针,但木杵只能磨成牙签,材料不对,再努力也没用。     50,年轻的时候,我们常常冲着镜子做鬼脸;年老的时候,镜子算是扯平了。 51,我和你不一样,因为我是人。     52,你给我买10条烟总比我去一次夜总会划算吧。     53,人总要犯错误的,否则正确之路人满为患。     54,所有刻骨铭心的爱都灵魂游离于床上的瞬间!     55,我喜欢孩子,更喜欢造孩子的过程!     56,修养的艺术,其实就是说谎的艺术。     57,小时候的梦想并不是要当什么科学家,幻想自己是地主家的少爷,家有良田千顷,终日不学无术,没事领着一群狗奴才上街去调戏一下良家少女…     58,我想我是个变态,我有恋母和喜欢极品熟女的癖好。不然为什么每次看到我们超市主管的那张脸,我都想操她奶奶?     59,今天看书,看到康熙皇帝在二十三岁的时候已经贵为一国之君,绩伟功丰,我很沮丧;但又看到同治皇帝在二十三岁时已经死了四年了,我平衡了。     60,机会就像是阴茎,只要握在手里,就会越来越大。     61,男人,上半身是修养,下半身是本质;女人,上半身是诱饵,下半身是陷阱。     62,单身很痛苦,单身久了更痛苦,前几天我看见一头母猪,都觉得它眉清目秀的…     63,情人节,我辗转找到一个我中学暗恋的女生的电话,给她发了一条短信:如果只有一碗粥,你先喝半碗,剩下的半碗,我放在怀里给你保温…几分钟后,她回了一条短信:你是谁介绍的?一次四百,包夜七百。     64,师太,你就从了老衲吧!…很久很久以后…师太,你就饶了老衲吧!     65,贞操因人而异,比如人们会赞美一个女孩是处女,却也会嘲笑一个男孩是处男。     66,凶残的人:没事找个人来杀杀。风流的人:没事找个美女睡睡。富有的人:没事买辆新车开开。我:没事捡个烟头抽抽…     67,我把她从女孩变成了女人;她把我从男孩变成了…穷人。     68,雌螳螂在交配后会吃掉雄螳螂,残忍么?但一些女人却在交配途中吞下无数子孙后代…     69,小时候经常听说有人因为生活压力大而自杀,那时我懂得死亡,却不明白压力是什么,现在长大了,我懂得了什么是压力,开始不明白为什么还有那么多人活着…     70,又美丽、又纯洁、又温柔、又性感、又可爱的处女,就像鬼魂一样,男人们都在谈论它,但从来没有人亲眼见过…     71,春不是叫出来的,是真刀真枪干出来的!     72,“亲爱的,我…我怀孕了…三个月了,不过你放心,不是你的,不用你负责…”     73,俗话说:你笑,全世界都跟着你笑;你哭,全世界只有你一个人哭。     74,饭局间,校长非让我找几个女学生来陪酒助兴,可身为教师的我怎能做出这种伤天害理的事呢。焦急间,我来到外面的大厅,见坐台的几个小姐长得挺青春的。于是上前让她们跟我走,台费按平时两倍收,唯一要求就是她们从头到尾必须说自己是电影学院的学生,不料几个小姐喜极而泣道:“大哥,你算真找对人了,我们就是电影学院的啊!!!”     75,我和妻子已经18个月没说话了,我没机会打断她。     76,男人最痛苦的三件事:被情人撞见陪老婆买菜;被老婆撞见同情人逛街;被老婆和情人同时堵在巷子里。     77,某鲜花店的广告:今日本店的玫瑰售价最为低廉,甚至可以买几朵送给太太。     78,关于丁字裤:以前,脱下内裤看屁股;现在,拔开屁股看内裤…     79,洗澡是屁股享福,脑袋吃苦;看电影是脑袋享福,屁股吃苦,听你讲话是脑袋、屁股都吃苦。     80,网上自古无娇娘,残花败柳一行行,偶有几对鸳鸯鸟,也是野鸡配色狼。     81,你瞧你吧!看背影急煞千军万马;转过头吓退百万雄师。     82,宁可让中国没有一个处男,也不能让日本有一个处女。     83,如果你恨一个男人,就把他的女人揍成李宇春,让他无法享受上半身的快乐。如果你恨一个女人,就把她的男人揍成李宇春,让她无法享受下半身的快乐。     84,真的不想在做了——因为铁杵已经磨成了“绣花针”了。     85,有时候,我们对别人的小恩小惠感激不尽,却对亲人一辈子的恩情视而不见。     86,我不会讲话,一见人多就结结巴巴,像羊拉屎一样,不合你的味道请多多包涵。     87,男人不醉,女人怎么有小费;女人不醉,男人怎么有机会;女人男人都不醉,宾馆没人睡。     88,没有钱,没有权,再不对你好点,你能跟我?     89,她哥是黑社会咋了? 靠!你丫就不会入党?     90,时间就像乳沟,只要挤一挤总还是有的。     91,我就算是一只癞蛤蟆,我也决不娶母癞蛤蟆。     92,按猪的审美观,我基本算得上是个帅哥。    93,再牛B的肖邦,也弹不出老子的悲伤!   94,当我看到世贸中心倒塌后的废墟;当我看到别斯兰小学惨死的儿童;当我看到马德里爆炸后的街头;当我看到伦敦瘫痪的地铁站……我已经出奇愤怒了——你们这群冷血残忍、毫无人性的KB分子,难道就不知道去袭击日本么?!!   95,为了做公务员,我生了领导的儿子!   96城市管理者大队长猝死在街头——狗都累死了,可见统治者残忍到什么程度!!!   97,一个女人她可以喜欢你,但她不爱你;她可以爱你,但她不嫁你;她可以嫁你,但她不生育;她可以生育,但孩子不是你的。   98,你们也不能太侮辱周正龙的智慧,至少他自己没顶片树叶,然后宣称自己是华南虎!   99,张纪中版《西游记》里的天兵天将将在全国各地城市管理者中进行海选——城市管理者队员们不论是形象作风,还是战斗力都非常有震慑力,非常适合扮演招之即来、来之即战、战之能胜的威武之师、文明之师!"   100,美国自南北战争后就没有奴隶了,黑人奴隶变成自由人和国家公民;而在新中国的山西黑砖窑,却把自由人和国家公民变成了黑人奴隶! 101,什么节目充满了欺骗谎言却极受广大人民群众的喜爱?答:新闻联播!   102,开发商买不起人民群众的房子就让法院强制执行,那么人民群众买不起开发商的房子是否也可以要求法院强制执行?   103,世态炎凉鸡最懂,人情冷暖鸭先知。   104,有奶不一定是娘,但有钱一定是爷!   105,都是中国人,不用讲素质!   106,自从两个妓女自称是某名牌大学的毕业生后,我现在一般都自称文盲!    107,脱了衣服我是禽兽,穿上衣服我是衣冠禽兽!   108,自打我变成了一叠屎,就再也没有人敢踩在我头顶上啦。   109,你的丑和你的脸没有关系……   110,想污染一个地方有两种方法:垃圾,或是钞票!   111,长得真有创意,活得真有勇气!   112,你可以像猪一样的生活,但你永远都不能像猪那样快乐!   113,人总要犯错误的,否则正确之路人满为患。   114,为配合今年中国计划生育工作的胜利完成,本人决定暂时不和异性朋友接触,谢谢合作。   115,天上掉钞票我不会弯腰,因为天上连馅饼都不会掉,更别说掉钞票了。   116,给我一个支点,我把邻居那小子的汽车翘到沟里去,省得他见我就按喇叭。   117,如果领导下个月再不给我加薪,我就辞职,辞职前再给他送两条中华,抽死他。   118,你还是让我跪搓板吧,跪电暖气实在受不了啊!   119,喝白酒一斤,我绝对没感觉,因为喝半斤就已经喝死了。   120,下辈子我还找你,因为除了我,你是最傻的。   121,偶尔幽生活一默你会觉得很爽,但生活幽你一默就惨了……   122,不要在一棵树上吊死,在几棵树上多试试死几次……--死就死得彻底!   123,一时的冲动,子孙的危机!   124,早起的鸟儿有虫吃,早起的虫儿被鸟吃!   125,和一MM争论鲸鱼是不是鱼,最后我说“日本人也带个人字”,她这才同意鲸鱼不是鱼。   126,听说女人如衣服,兄弟如手足。回想起来,我竟然七手八脚的裸奔了20年!   127,有一个很古老的传说,说是在北邮校园内能看到美女的人会长生不老……   128,难道全世界的鸡蛋联合起来就能打破石头吗?!所以做人还是要现实些……   129,不怕虎一样的敌人,就怕猪一样的队友!   130,夏天就是不好,穷的时候我连西北风都没得喝……   131,我不是随便的人,我随便起来不是人。   132,生活有时就像被太监强奸一样——反抗是痛苦,不反抗还是痛苦!   133,在床上,实践是检验功夫的唯一的标准。   134,我床上的不知道是谁媳妇,我媳妇不知道在谁的床上!   135,北科大骗了我大学四年,所以我打算用北科大教我的知识骗社会一辈子!   136,恐龙说:“遇到色狼,不慌不忙;遇到禽兽,慢慢享受……”   137,鸳鸳相抱何时了,鸯在一边看热闹。   138,昨天,系花对我笑了一下,乐得我晚上直数羊,一只羊,两只羊,三只羊……   139,长大了娶唐僧做老公,能玩就玩一玩,不能玩就把他吃掉。   140,打破老婆终身制,实行小姨股份制.引入小姐竞争制,推广情人合同制。   141,我不在江湖,但江湖中有我的传说。   我身在江湖,但江湖里却没有我得传说。   142,饭在锅里,我在床上*^_^*   143,走,MM,咱们化蝶去……   144,爱她,就请为她做无痛人流手术!   145,避孕的效果:不成功,便成“人”。   146,此地禁止大小便,违者没收工具。   147,读书读到抽筋处,文思方能如尿崩!   148,佛曰,色即是空,空即是色!今晚,偶想空一下。   149,很多女明星不红的原因是因为没有张开腿*^_^*   150,男人偷腥时的智商仅次于爱因斯坦! 151,如果跟导师讲不清楚,那么就把他搞胡涂吧!   152,如果有一双眼睛陪我一同哭泣,就值得我为生命受苦。   153,所有刻骨铭心的爱都灵魂游离于床上的瞬间!   154,天塌下来你顶着,我垫着!   155,我的id是假冒的,大家不要相信我是骗子。   156,有事秘书干,没事干秘书!   157,干掉鸟人我就是天使!   158,好好活着,因为我们会死很久!!!   159,在教堂听讲经的时候我们应该保持肃静,打扰别人睡觉是很不礼貌的。   160,陪聊,提供夜间上门服务。(一个墓志铭)   161,人又不聪明,还学人家秃顶!!   162,春色满园关不住,我诱红杏出墙来。   163,女人是制造人类的工具,男人是使用工具的人类。   164,诸葛亮出山前也没带过兵啊,你们凭啥要我有工作经验!!!   165,废话是人际关系的第一句。   166,只要锄头舞的好,那有墙角挖不倒?   167,大部分人一辈子只做三件事:自欺、欺人、被人欺。   168,有人说生了孩子就不会痛经了,那就生一个吧!   169,要在江湖混,最好是光棍!!   170,插人家洞的是插头,有洞被人家插的是插座!   171,不要和我比懒,我懒得和你比。   172,我这个人最老实。从不说谎话。这句除外。   173,不要说别人脑子有病,脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。   174,别洗它,要不是这些泥,这破车早就散架了。   175,秃驴,敢跟贫道抢师太?   176,一女人对一男人说:来我家吧,我下面给你吃。   177,宁愿相信世间有鬼,也不相信男人那张破嘴!   178,今天一群曰本人来我校参观——说实话,这是我第一次看到穿衣服的曰本人!   179,念了十几年书,还是幼儿园比较好混。   180,我以为小鸟飞不过沧海,是以为小鸟没有飞过沧海的勇气,十年以后我才发现,不是小鸟飞不过去,而是沧海的那一头,早已没有了等待......   181,多谢你的绝情,让我学会死心.。   182,不要轻易说爱,许下的承诺就是欠下的债!   183,有的人与人之间的相遇就像是流星,瞬间迸发出令人羡慕的火花,却注定只是匆匆而过.   184,相爱是种感觉,当这种感觉已经不在时,我却还在勉强自己,这叫责任!分手是种勇气!当这种勇气已经不在时,我却还在鼓励自己,这叫悲壮!   185,你当我是个风筝,要不把我放了,要不然收好带回家,别用一条看不见的情思拴着我,让我心伤.   186,简单安静的生活其实不幸福`,所以我只拥抱刹那。   绵延持久的感觉根本不快乐 ,所以我只信仰瞬间。     187,鱼说:“我时时刻刻把眼睁开是为了在你身边不舍离开。”水说:“我终日流淌不知疲倦是为了围绕你,好好把你抱紧。”锅说:“都他妈快熟了还这么多废话。”     189,年轻只有一次,青春不能重来。所以要百无禁忌、潇洒颠覆全世界—— 搞怪要彻底,破坏要有力,闯祸走专利,装乖走绝技,整人靠天份,被整看缘分。     190,装逼的男人最容易被感动,因为他们连感动都是装的。     191,性别:娘们     192,人要是无聊啊 鼻涕泡都能拿来玩会   193,穷得只剩下精子了。     194,千万别考北邮,就是考——也要先早恋!     195,怎么给MM过一个难忘的生日?先把她爆揍一顿,然后把广州最贵楼盘的房证送上,保证既难忘又惊喜!     196,女生就像中秋的月饼,过了十五的晚上就不值钱了!     197,假如给女孩一个安全的环境,她能淫荡得让你流鼻血流到死!     198,刚从日企实习完的女同学回来感慨道:“不管多高档的会议、多高档的人参加,那帮人台上斯文地跟你开着会,可台下却总有人在摸你大腿!”     199,我左八荣,右八耻,代表在腰间,和谐在胸口,人挡杀人,佛挡杀佛!     200,割下JJ敬神——既疼了自己,又得罪了神!      201,我和女友分居了,其实我们的性生活还是蛮和谐的——我性无能,她性冷淡…     202,没有女人的日子里,我以调戏男人为乐…     203,我也不知道为什么会这样,我只是喜欢上兄弟的女人!     204,“一炮走红”这条成语其实是形容古今女艺人的!     205,女人就像书架上的书,虽然你买了她,但在你买之前她多多少少被几个男人翻过…     206,某月某日,大醉而归,伸手一摸,手机和贞操都在,睡觉!     207,男人口袋有点钱,腰部以下不会闲!     208,肉的理想,白菜的命…     209,减肥彻底失败了——转行给老公踩背松骨…     210,凡是在食堂、自习室、教学楼前当众疯狂接吻的——都是开不起房的!   211,从超市出来,MM呜咽着对我说:“这年头连卫生巾都涨价,看来我月经真的来不起了…”     212,邯郸农行5100万惊醒了我的彩票梦,还是老老实实的做人吧,别总胡思乱想了成天!     213,我总在牛A与牛C之间徘徊。     214,别人的失败就是我的快乐。     215,我是变态人里最正常的,是正常人里最变态的。     216,爱是做出来的!     217,连广告也信,读书读傻了吧!     218,母牛撞上高压线,真是牛逼带闪电。     219,花钱越多,离床越近。     220,我拉堆狗屎给你吃了。     221,怎么死的?还不是穷死的。   222,一想到祖国没统一就忍不着想抽烟…     223,要么好好活着,要么赶紧去死吧。     224,世界上最幸福的事,打炮;世界上最最幸福的事,歇一会,再打一炮。     225,一脚揣不出你屎来,算你拉的干净!      226,男人与牙刷——我绝不与人共用!     227,清明节那天,偶在路上捡到一厚厚的钱包。大喜,打开一看,竟全是纸钱!     228,最丢脸是和几个同学讨论薪水,原以为他们说的是年薪,后来才发现他们说的都是月薪…     229,连贝克汉姆都不知道,你丫还有什么资格敢跟我谈篮球!   230,校园歌手大赛上,女评委对我点评道:“你很有潜力,唯一不足就是进入高潮太慢了!”     231,老婆破天荒地第一次支持我买车——赶紧买辆车吧,这样去看我妈的时候带东西就不用不愁了,而且去看你妈的时候还可以多带点东西回来…     232,我正被川大强奸着,现在我唯一能做的就是最大限度地把姿势摆对!     233,请你们尽快解决你市农产品过剩的问题,今天演讲时大家朝台上扔的西红柿少说也有二百多斤。     234,“友谊第一,比赛第二”,比如说,举行婚礼时新郎和新娘总要手拉着手。     235,有些父母表现得好像就没有孩子一样;有些孩子则表现得好像就没有父母一样。     236,凡事不要期望过高,否则就会像气球那样充气太多会爆炸,而我就是那种最便宜最不经吹的小气球。     237,男人第一次和女人上床很难,以后越来越容易;女人第一次和男人上床很容易,以后越来越难;     238,思想有多远,你就给我滚多远。     239,数钱数到手抽筋,睡觉睡到自然醒!     240,接触的人多了,就开始喜欢畜生了。    241,白天没鸟事,晚上鸟没事。     242,好久没有人把牛吹的这么清新了。     243,一觉醒来,天都黑了。     244,不要以为把JJ插到地上就以为在强 J整个地球。     245,亲戚,太熟,不好下手。     246,在猪圈里,你不必讲究人类的礼仪。     247,在傻瓜眼里,聪明人的聪明一文不值。     248,只要你敢死,我就敢埋。     249,一个受过教育的笨蛋是多么可怕的笨蛋啊!     250,公厕收费的小嫂子很热情的对我说:“先生,是拉大便还是小便”,大便收费五毛,小便我请客”。 251,最近穷疯了,没钱买大饼吃,只好啃馒头;想吃大饼了,就把馒头拍扁;想吃面条了,就用梳子把馒头梳几下!     252,本人年方23,人见人爱,花见花开,车见车爆胎!!!每次行走街上,不是帅哥回头,就是美女跳楼!     253,要想富,少养干部多养猪…     254,什么世道啊这是,人活得象狗,狗活得象人。     255,问曰:世人轻我、骗我、谤我、欺我、笑我、妒我、辱我、害我,何以处之?答曰:唯有敬他、容他、让他、耐他、隨他、避他、不理他,再过几时看他。     256,小样,见了我还不自刎!!!!      257,以一无所知和无所不知的方式去思考;以即将赴死和永生不死的态度去生活。     258,当我微笑时,我的笑容充满了诗人般放荡不羁的气质,在这放荡不羁的背后流露着的却是细腻而温暖的情感。当我沉默时,仰首便仿佛唱诗班纯洁的翩翩少女,垂首则像深刻而高雅的贵族。是的,我便是这样一个将各种仿佛不可调和的特质完美地融合在一起的男子。     259,把我的经液(验)传授给你!     260,甭管大海再多水,大山有多伟,蜘蛛再多腿,辣椒再辣嘴,总之你最美!君子弹蛋蛋,小人切鸡鸡。     261,我有一条很酷的迷你裙,可惜我的腿不够迷你。     262,冰箱里有电锯,人在锅里,饭在床上…     263,当我死了以后,我要时常记起活着时的快乐。     264,爱情的投入和产出从来不成比例,一厢情愿的牺牲到头来感动的往往是自己!     265,我喜欢的女孩要像黛玉一样有才气,像宝钗一样懂事,像可卿一样漂亮,像湘云一样豪爽,像李纨一样忠贞,像探春一样能干,像凤姐一样精明,还要像元春一样有福气,呵呵……     266,我死了,但是在烈火中我又站起来了,你猜是涅磐,还是尸变?     267,噢耶!一般很正常,有时发点神经。谁敢抢我老婆…我挖他家祖坟!     268,和我比温柔那是找抽~!     269,把你栽到花盆里让你也知道知道什么是植物人!     270,我把你的话放到油锅里可以炸出油来,哈哈     271,本人纯属虚构,如遇在线,实属见鬼!     272,我视金钱为粪土,父母视我为化粪池!     273,把地球揍成方的!     274,做为一只禽兽,我深感压力很大…     275,收老头的破烂儿怎么还不来啊??     276,收集和下载A片中,准备过A片六级。     277,誓言用来背叛承诺用来敷衍爱情用来替换回忆用来纪念心灵用来埋葬他用来遗忘我用来装扮沧桑。     278,生活像场夜宴,但是十面埋伏。     279,主治:包皮过长,包皮过多,包皮过旧,包皮过硬,包皮过老,包皮过脆,包皮过厚,包皮过涩,包皮过糙……     280,宝贝儿,等发工资了我就带你去洗澡!     281,我是穷人,请勿盗墓!     282,本人已死,有事烧纸,小事招魂,大事挖坟!     283,在月球上强奸日本人让地球人说去吧!     284,男人对女人说:我请你吃饭吧?女人答:不了,改日吧!     285,穷也要站在地主堆里!     286,招聘会上,一美女大老远的向我打招呼“呵呵!又是你啊”,寡人哭笑不得。     287,看到一毛钱,还用痛苦么?直接丢给旁边乞讨的哥们,让他郁闷去吧…     289,别跟我谈理想了好不?我戒了!     290,为了建立和谐社会,老婆,我们再来一次吧。     291,屁眼里夹五分钱,机关枪都扫不下来的主。      292,有的人,做面膜的时候,比真人好看多了。      293,当初我降临人世的时候,上帝许诺说要把他最美丽的女儿嫁给我。我左右顾盼,上下求索,等了21年了,还没见到仙女的影子。我很郁闷,于是跑去问上帝。上帝说:“你急什么?我都还没女朋友呢!”      294,生活这条狗啊,追的我连从容撒泡尿的时间都没有!!!   295,医生问患者:“怎么回事,睾丸疼啊”,患者:“不搞也疼啊!”      96,美女对一老头说:我不嫌弃你年纪大,就怕你死得慢。      297,小李上去了,秋千下来了。一个身材有点肥的朋友荡秋千的遭遇。      298,是谁的裤裆开了把你漏你出来了~    299,幼儿园的时候,我习惯了躺在幼儿园阿姨的怀里睡觉。有时侯饿了,还吵着要喝阿姨的奶。她哄我说:“宝贝儿!阿姨还没结婚呢,没水儿,不能喝。”我不信哭着非要喝,没办法了她只好让我挨个嘬了嘬,果然没水儿,我不哭了。      300,给我一个许愿的机会,我会说:“让日本消失!”   
1月21日

我32了,奥巴马宣誓了。

My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors. I thank President Bush for his service to our nation, as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition. Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath. The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forbearers, and true to our founding documents. So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans. That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war, against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some, but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age. Homes have been lost; jobs shed; businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly; our schools fail too many; and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet. These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable but no less profound is a sapping of confidence across our land - a nagging fear that America’s decline is inevitable, and that the next generation must lower its sights. Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America - they will be met. On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord. On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics. We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things. The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness. In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of short-cuts or settling for less. It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labor, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom. For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West; endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth. For us, they fought and died, in places like Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sanh. Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life. They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction. This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished. But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed. Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America. For everywhere we look, there is work to be done. The state of the economy calls for action, bold and swift, and we will act - not only to create new jobs, but to lay a new foundation for growth. We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together. We will restore science to its rightful place, and wield technology’s wonders to raise health care’s quality and lower its cost. We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age. All this we can do. And all this we will do. Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage. What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them - that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long no longer apply. The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified. Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end. And those of us who manage the public’s dollars will be held to account - to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day - because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government. Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched, but this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control - and that a nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous. The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our Gross Domestic Product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on our ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart - not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good. As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals. Our Founding Fathers, faced with perils we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations. Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience’s sake. And so to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born: know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman, and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and that we are ready to lead once more. Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint. We are the keepers of this legacy. Guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort - even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We will begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people, and forge a hard-earned peace in Afghanistan. With old friends and former foes, we will work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat, and roll back the specter of a warming planet. We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you. For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus - and non-believers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace. To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society’s ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist. To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world’s resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it. As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us today, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages. We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service; a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves. And yet, at this moment - a moment that will define a generation - it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all. For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies. It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break, the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours. It is the firefighter’s courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent’s willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate. Our challenges may be new. The instruments with which we meet them may be new. But those values upon which our success depends - hard work and honesty, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism - these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history. What is demanded then is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task. This is the price and the promise of citizenship. This is the source of our confidence - the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny. This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed - why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall, and why a man whose father less than sixty years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath. So let us mark this day with remembrance, of who we are and how far we have traveled. In the year of America’s birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river. The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood. At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people: "Let it be told to the future world...that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive...that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet [it]." America. In the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words. With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children’s children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

1月20日

驾驶证到手

没什么说的。4500+60+100+100=4760换个证,不便宜,只能算是了了一桩心事。

1月18日

腊月二十三过小年

过小年是"官三民四道土和尚五",就是说凡是家有秀才以上的功名的都在腊月二十三日过小年,黎民百姓是二十四日,道士和尚是二十五日。难怪湖南卫视的小年夜晚会是明天。

1月14日

赛亚人练级

“好比《龙珠》里赛亚人练级的方式:寻常人10倍重力已经受不了,他们在百倍重力下吃卧坐行。” - 张公子

最近张公子的评论里总是有那么一两句话说到我心里去了。说道为什么公牛能够保持一个赛季乃至一段王朝期的伟大,“那无非因为他们能够保持一种常人无法达到的高压,而且将之习以为常......而这是任何伟大队伍度过低潮期的唯一秘方。”

向赛亚人学习。

1月12日

金茂和军刀

托葛驴的福,五年来第一次到陆家嘴,昨天晚上携老婆去金茂和环球金融中心晃了一圈。
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先是到军刀楼,穿过一堆极难分辨的门,好不容易找到电梯,到91层餐厅看了看,菜单都没看到就决定还是换到金茂去吃饭。然后以为金茂的餐厅是在88楼,结果过去一问,88楼只是用来观光用的,吃饭要去其它楼层,最后定了54楼的自助餐,200+一个人。然后换了四五次餐盘,吃到九点结束。再然后走了好长一段路到正大广场边上坐地铁回家,居然5号线10:30PM还没停......
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心里就纳闷了,看到那么多高楼,怎么就没什么感觉呢?无论如何,以后可以跟人说,我也去过上海的华尔街啦。
1月9日

重要的是,火箭自己做的。

火箭在卫冕冠军凯尔特人的魔鬼主场取胜后,张公子的评论 - ”运气,意志,没有杂念、一条道走到黑的、心无旁骛的进攻,以及一颗勇敢的心。“

这两天工作上无疑碰到了一些外部的困难。可同样的,最终的结果往往不在于对手做了什么,而是在于自己是不是做到了最好。问题是,我们做到最好了吗?没有。缺少的是什么?~“意志,没有杂念”

1月5日

M$就是牛,都快牛死了。

如果软件再象这样搞下去,我看微软干脆关门算了。
 
鉴于上次安装MSN Messenger8.0的经验实在不甚美妙,再加上公司也不允许上班时间用那个东西,所以不理它很久了,没事就用腾讯QQ聊聊天听听歌,倒也无事。可今天无意中在天极网看到说MSN是白领时尚生活沟通工具,而且版本也升级到9.0,再加上最近听到传闻说M$要裁员17%(大手笔啊),心想拼着晚上不干事了俺这个伪白领真民工也要支持一下M$,装一个MSN 9.0算是友情支持一下年少时向往崇拜的公司好了。
 
于是鼓足勇气战战兢兢的登录messenger.live.com找安装文件,uncheck了几个90%用户估计都会uncheck的checkbox后开始下载一个小安装包。心里还想,不错,这次挺顺利。咦,不对啊,还要选择装什么。好吧,就选messenger好了,什么其他的writer不懂是什么就不装了,然后点击确认,装吧。怎么还是没反应呢?关掉重来,还是不行,重复三次还是不行。仔细非常仔细的研究了一下安装界面...一分钟后,原来按钮按错了,确认是不对的,要按另外一个安装按钮。可你为什么不能把这两个按钮合并到一个呢?!按确认按钮代表确认和继续十几年了,老大你改了就不能在启动的时候用红字告示一下么?
 
算啦,俺还要继续向白领时尚生活挺进,继续吧。轻轻的在安装按钮上点击了一下,click!,俺的MX610按键声音就是好听!好了,界面上总算出现了熟悉的下载状态条,起身吃片哈密瓜先,和老婆研讨了一下副本的进度,回来再一看,一个N帅的下载失败框赫然显示在屏幕上!~!@#$%,I服了U。不怕,再来...再来...再再来...算了,认栽。
 
看着天极网上的美女聊天照片,我怎么就这么命苦呢,一直追求上进的我不就是想向白领时尚生活靠齐嘛,怎么就那么难呢?
 
灵光一闪,找个独立安装包就行了嘛。baigoogle一下,果然有的下,20+M,不小啊,幸好俺家是2M宽带,而且还是中国电信的哦。下,装,装好了!运行,界面还行,我要登录,用户名密码,登录!!@#$%^失败!错误码80040154,没关系,M$有错误分析,要如此如此...照做,重启,再来,登录!!@#$%^还是失败!早知道如此,折腾个啥啊。外事不决问baidu,再查,......,半小时后,原来是WLCP,XXX platform啊,原来是没有平台啊,想当白领怎么能不知道平台呢,我错了。
 
我错了,M$,你学什么不好,非要学平台,简简单单的搞好安装包,简简单单的把错误分析写的有用些不行么?现在不比十年前你一家独大了......
 
MSN 9.0总算装完了,我也困了。M$,祝好运!
12月31日

08结束09开始

08最后一天,总是要回顾一下过去并展望一下未来。

首先是延续了07年底的狗血状态,继续项目的开发。因为主要功能都已经在07年赶完了,所以年初的生活比较惬意,也基本不用加班了。

>>>同时还在继续着发财梦,股市持续加仓中。

接着,随着三月大老板离开公司小老板跳去另一个部门,整个部门的前景变得忽明忽暗。所幸新的大老板很快就职,部门守住了。

>>>同时准备户口申请材料,提交材料,然后开始焦急的等待;股市,开始彻底不看了。“投资”策略回归到定存;虽然通过了M$一天的面试,可还是据了吧。

然后,接班收下了软件和系统验证组,开始艰难的整合和自证之路。

>>>户口申请通过。转档案,户口本到手,申请社保卡。开始学车。

然后,继续努力提升软件组,和美国鬼子印度兄弟批量聊天,忍受着美国鬼子的傲慢和印度兄弟折寿的英语。

>>>股市,锁仓。亏损预期逐步向70%靠拢。

终于,确定了和印度兄弟的合作方向。

>>>08年最后一天,上海社保卡到手。08年倒数第二天,小路考通过。

总的来说,08年完成了主要的生活目标,工作上则基本划出了个V字,希望不要马上就变成W就好。

09年,一定把儿子接回来,我要看着他一天天健康长大;
09年,一定要锻炼身体,放松心情,继续健康;
09年,一定要给老婆一个美妙的锡婚纪念日;

09年,一定把算法数据结构好好复习一下;
09年,一定要研究一个开源项目;
09年,一定把英语上一个台阶;

09年,希望爸爸妈妈爷爷奶奶身体继续健康;
09年,希望顺利度过经济危机,工作顺利;
09年,希望解套。

12月24日

饭岛爱死掉了

94年的冬天一帮人在物理楼鬼鬼祟祟的传小爱的写真,然后就是大冬天的通宵玩三国到六七点钟回宿舍拿冷水洗个脚上床睡觉,然后就是统计一下逃课的次数发现如果按照学校条例早该被开除了,然后......祭逝去的年少时光。
12月17日

88CM, 13KG

不错,还有差不多5周才两岁,可现在已经超出24个月的平均标准81.3 - 94.0CM,11.2 - 14KG。
11月24日

Down to earth

Did you think that your feet had been bound
By what gravity brings to the ground
Did you feel you were tricked
By the future you picked
Well, come on down
All those rules don't apply
When you're high in the sky
 
So, come on down
come on down
We're coming down to the ground
There's no better place to go
We've got snow up on the mountains
We've got rivers down below
We're coming down to the ground
We hear the birds sing in the trees
And the land will be look after
We send the seeds out in the breeze
 
Did you think you'd escape from routine
By changing the script and the scene
Despite all you made of it
You're always afraid of the change
You've got a lot on your chest
Well, you can come as my guest
 
So, come on down
come on down
We're coming down to the ground
There's no better place to go
We've got snow up on the mountains
We've got rivers down below
We're coming down to the ground
We hear the birds sing in the trees
And the land will be look after
We send the seeds out in the breeze
11月1日

叔叔

北京交通部派下来的怪叔叔,南都真是精辟。
10月18日

狗屁的杨欣

难得无聊的追着一部片子看,竟然看到这么部狗血的片子--马文的战争。本来期待着马文和李芹的结合,结果还是被杨欣这个小气自私不负责任的女人搅和了。可怜的李芹,无耻的马文和狗屁的杨欣。
10月16日

第一次摸方向盘

昨天,光荣的摸到汽车方向盘了,还挂着三档小踩油门直接开到了公司。嗯,先自我表扬一下。这下有望能多掌握一门技能度过经济危机了。
10月12日

办完了

 
五月底上交所有材料,八月十五拿到人事局的批文,九月八号所有材料全部到手,九月九号拿到户口本,十月十号拿到上海市身份证,总算告一段落了。
4月11日

电瓶车丢了!

我说晚上打球的时候怎么总是心神不宁呢。回家一看,停在楼道里的电瓶车不见了。下午下班后停在楼道里面好好的才出去打球,没想到三个小时后就被偷了。物业完全没有说法,就让我报警。报警有个屁用!
 
破财销灾吧!
 
下午M$的一个group manager打电话搞了个什么informational interview,害得我在天台上吹了一个小时的冷风。他那个部门是做Sharepoint security相关的东西,也不知道又没有意思。
3月25日

这是个奇妙的部门

想在一个外资企业的亚洲分部按照自己的意思做事情,难啊。前两天大家伙还高高兴兴的觉得大获全胜,就等着鬼子签订城下之盟了,没想到自己的将军倒先玩起失踪来,搞得诸多手下六神无主。一天功夫,我方部队里就再也没这号将军的半点消息,就好象从来没有存在过一样。
 
抛开自己的未来不谈,以一个旁观者的心态看看剩下这些人对将军失踪这件事情的反应倒是件极为有趣的事情。有感觉被抛弃的,有幸灾乐祸的,有哀叹自己命运多蹙的,有茫然不知所措的,有欣欣然觉着再见青天的,有凄凄乎心想前途无望的,有怒批将军如此这般不是的,有直言领袖依然战功卓绝的。二十个人不到的部队,竟然表现想法均有不同。可就是这么一只部队,竟然在短短一两年内赢下了对我方甚为重要的数场战役,的确奇妙。
 
可是将军还是走了,不管是什么原因。以后这只部队的旗帜怎么打,方向怎么走,甚至于是不是会被收编或者干脆取消番号,没有人会知道。大家自求多福吧。